Painful life.

It hurts how little faith I have about myself. 

It hurts to know that it caused by people I love. 

I lost my job, that is true but I can do much more than to sit in an office. 

Yet, nobody believe I'm able to, so they push me down. 

"You can't do it. We know you can't do it that is why we worry." How can you know? I didn't do anything yet. Why don't you just wait until I make the first step and then we will see? 

Why don't you trust me for once?

Why do you make me unable to trust myself?

I mean everybody say the same thing, and share the same negativity...

I know it make no sense, and that it is not proper reason to take their words by heart

but I love them and IT affects me.

I'm lost. I just want to go to a place I can call home. I want to be alone, way alone, to live on my rhythm. I just need to breathe the air behind the walls of unsecurities wrapping me. I'm suffocating. Please let me breathe.